


second guessing real life

by hollow_city



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Missing Scene, Season/Series 05 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 07:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13853208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollow_city/pseuds/hollow_city
Summary: ”are you okay?”“i don’t know.”or, shiro asks for help.





	second guessing real life

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t explicitly state that shiro’s a clone in this but, you know. it’s highly plausible. but that aside, i watched the new season during my classes today, and started this halfway through the day. this would’ve been out hours ago, but yesterday’s sunny weather has turned into winter storm riley, which killed the power in my house. that’s coastal new england for you, i guess. anyway, i was so happy to see shiro asking for help for once, but i wish it would’ve gone a bit differently...

“Lance, let me ask you something.”

The blue paladin sighs, letting his forehead slide down the cold metal of the Castle’s walls. He doesn’t say anything, his eyes still burning and prickling from the way they snapped at him.

Shiro takes his silence as a cue to continue. “Do you remember, on Olkarion, how you asked me about… talking to you from inside Voltron?”

And that peaks Lance’s interest. This is exactly what he’d wanted to talk about, but when Shiro didn’t seem to have an recollection of it, he’d figured that he was out of luck. Shiro’s had memory problems for as long as they’ve known each other, so he knew there was probably no point in pushing. But if Shiro is offering…

“Yeah.”

When Lance turns, he finds himself under Shiro’s intense gaze. But his eyes don’t look hard, or blank, like they usually do. He looks so lost, and Lance’s heart aches for him. 

“What happened there?” Shiro asks reluctantly. “I don’t remember any of it.”

It sounds like it takes everything in him to say these things and based on how little Shiro usually shares about these kinds of things, Lance guesses that maybe it does. He straightens up and steps toward his friend, concern making his stomach twist.

The experience they had with Voltron while trapped within the vines was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, something none of them have ever imagined. He has no idea how Shiro could forget something like that. And besides, Lance saw him there. He should be able to remember.

This is how Lance knows. He knows something isn’t right here, he’s known for a while. Things changed after Keith left, they were bound to, but it’s been getting gradually worse as time has passed. Lately, Shiro has been more and more on edge, more brash and impulsive, and he rarely listens to any of them anymore. Everyone has noticed, but they’ve all chalked it up to the stress of leading Voltron in the wake of a 10,000 year war.

Lance knows it’s not. He knows something is off. Wrong. He just can’t push too hard, or else he won’t be able to help Shiro.

“We were all in some kind of mystical Voltron mind space, and you were yelling something, but I couldn’t hear you,” Lance explains, his brow furrowing when Shiro’s eyes narrow, not a trace of recognition in them. The taller man glances away from Lance and down the hall, his human fist clenching and carefully relaxing a few times.

“Are you okay?” Lance asks the question he’s wanted to ask for so long. He doesn’t bother stopping the genuine concern from bleeding into his voice.

Shiro glances back at him, and his mouth opens and closes a few times, before snapping shut for a few seconds.

“I-I don’t know,” he stammers. He pauses and takes a shaky breath. “My head - I’m just feeling so confused. It’s like…”

“Like what?”

Shiro twitches and glances over his shoulder, scanning the hallway like he’s making sure no one can hear him. After a moment’s hesitation, he speaks, voice real soft. “Like I’m not myself.”

Lance had suspected something was up, but a spike of fear drives itself into his chest anyway. He’s not sure what Shiro means by that, or what he’s thinking about. He’s not sure he wants to ask just yet.

He almost asks if Shiro’s really feeling the low oxygen levels, but he doesn’t. He knows this isn’t just that. It may be in part, but not completely. Something is up, and Shiro finally asked somebody for help.

Lance isn’t going to just brush this off.

So instead, he slowly reaches forward and places his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, the man’s eyes following the movement the entire way. His shoulder is tense under Lance’s hand, but after a moment, he relaxes minutely.

“Okay, Shiro. Okay,” Lance says, letting out a breath. “I’m glad you told me. That’s good.”

He’s stalling, because he’s trying to come up with something. He’s not so sure what he can do here, because he’s not even one hundred percent sure what’s going on.

Shiro blanches, taking Lance’s stunted responses the wrong way. “I’m so-”

Before he can finish, Lance’s eyes widen and he brings up a hand, waving it frantically.

“No, don’t you dare apologize to me, mister,” he says angrily. “As soon as Allura and Lotor get back from inside that death hole, we’ll talk to the others, and we’re gonna help you.”

Shiro doesn’t say anything for a minute, his narrowed eyes scanning Lance’s face, for what, Lance doesn’t know. When he seemingly doesn’t find what he’s looking for, his shoulders sag just the slightest bit, barely noticable on anyone else, but a landslide for someone so serious and tough like him.

“Thank you,” he says, his voice so raw and broken that Lance just wants to pull his friend into a hug.

He takes a moment to study Shiro, and then ultimately decides that yes, a hug is in order. He can’t remember a time he’s ever hugged the black paladin before, but there’s always a first time for everything.

Lance shifts the hand he’s still got on his shoulder and loops it around his back, pulling Shiro to him.

Another crack spreads through his heart when Shiro tenses, his feet moving like they’re going to shift into a fighting stance. It takes him a moment, but eventually he relaxes into the embrace, wrapping his arms around Lance. He lets out a sigh that sounds entirely too exhausted for any one person to handle and rests his head on Lance’s shoulder.

Lance smiles.

“No problem, buddy. No problem at all.”

-

Lance watches Lotor and Allura, his arms crossed and his leg jiggling in place. He knows what they’ve just done together is monumental, what Allura achieved on her own is life-changing, but he’s also got something he needs to say.

He knows the others’ attention is captured by the two, so he waits. He can’t rush this, they all have to be paying attention when they talk about this. Shiro deserves that much, after what he’s been through. Lance doesn’t even want to think about the things he’s not aware that Shiro’s had to deal with.

It’s not until they’ve finished discussing what they found and what comes next that Lance gets a chance to bring it up. They’re all making to leave, so Lance steps toward the center and clears his throat.

Shiro lingers at the edge of the room.

“Hey guys, could you hold on a second?” Lance asks, summoning his bayard just so he has something to do with his hands.

Everyone pauses, and Pidge rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “What could you possibly want now?”

The pang of pain in his chest is something for another time. He ignores it and pushes on.

“There’s something I think we need to talk about,” he starts, before being cut off by Allura.

“Oh!” she says excitedly, clapping her hands together once and holding them clasped in front of her chest. “Are you going to show everyone-”

Before she can finish her sentence, Lance shakes his head. That’s something for another time, too.

“No, it’s not about me,” he interrupts. He twists his bayard in his fingers. He’s not nervous, not really, but now that he’s got six sets of eyes on him, he’s feeling the pressure. This is important, there’s not much room for error. “It’s about Shiro.”

Everyone’s gazes immediately snap to the man, who tenses and straightens like he’s been summoned by a drill sergeant.

“What’s wrong with Shiro?” Pidge asks, her head tilting to the side. “Is he hurt?”

Lance knows she doesn’t mean to, but he can see by the minute expression on Shiro’s face, he doesn’t like that they’re talking about him as if he’s not even there.

So Lance puts away his bayard away and places his hands on his hips.

“I think you should tell them, Shiro. This is you, not me. It isn’t my place to speak for you,” he says, watching the way Shiro’s eyes flick back and forth.

Their leader doesn’t say anything for a few moments, and just went Allura is about to speak up, he opens his mouth.

“I think something’s wrong with me,” he says, his jaw tight and his voice ever-so-flat. He looks anywhere but any of them, straight over their heads or past their shoulders. “I-I think I need help.”

His voice cracks on the last word and he clears his throat, face so tense and tight that it almost distracts from the fearful look in his eyes.

“What do you mean? Shiro, what’s going on?” Pidge asks, her eyes wide and worried behind her glasses. “Are you hurt?”

Shiro shakes his head quickly. “No, I’m not injured. But I… I can’t remember things I should be able to remember. I snap at you guys without meaning to. I make selfish decisions without any regard to what any of you want.”

He stops, clearing his throat and looking up to the distant ceiling. The next words that leave his mouth are drenched in sadness.

“Black barely talks to me anymore.”

Allura steps forward, a contemplative furrow to her brow. “Memory problems? If you don’t mind sharing, what are you having trouble recalling? We may be able to help you.”

Shiro chuckles, but it isn’t humorous, and it’s quite unpleasant.

“I can’t remember anything from the point I disappeared from Black to the point where Keith found me in the Galran escape pod,” he says, his voice low and rough.

“But I thought you said you were being held captive on a ship and escaped to another planet?” Pidge questions, adjusting her glasses as she studies her friend. “Do you remember that?”

Shiro’s eyes travel over to her and remain blank. “No. I don’t.”

“It could be a reaction to the trauma, maybe your mind couldn’t take anymore and blocked it out,” Hunk suggests. It isn’t the most pleasant idea, but considering what Shiro’s been through in the past couple of years, it doesn’t sound too far fetched.

“I’d agree with you, but I can’t remember Keith’s birthday. I can’t… I can’t remember Matt’s middle name. Or my mother’s favorite movie, I can’t remember any of it!” Shiro’s voice rises until by the end, he’s yelling, finally letting his frustration show.

Lance steps forward. “Are you sure that’s not just information slipping away over time?”

Shiro shakes his head. “No. Absolutely not. I should remember his birthday, because every year since he was eleven I took him to see the same movie. I used to make fun of Matt’s middle name. I used to watch that movie at least once a month until my mother died.”

He sounds near distraught when he asks, “what’s wrong with me?”

For the first time since the conversation began, Lotor jumps in.

“I can’t say I know the whole situation, because clearly I have not been here very long, but I can promise that I will do everything in my power to uncover what was done to you during your captivity,” he promises. He pauses, a slightly unsure look in his eyes. Lance doesn’t think he’s ever seen that look on him before. “If… you believe that would help, of course.”

Shiro crosses his arms over his stomach. “It might. But it doesn’t change anything else. I still treat you all horribly, and I don’t even realize. I didn’t do that before, did I?”

Lance’s breath catches. Before he disappeared, he was the best leader they could’ve hoped for. Honest, trustworthy, caring, understanding. He was it all. He was their _Team Dad_ , as Pidge liked to say, but it’s not like that now. It’s not like that at all.

“No, you didn’t,” Lance replied quietly. “Never.”

“Then what happened? What’s wrong with me?!” Shiro asks angrily, running his hand through his hair and pulling angrily at the white forelock.

Lance watches with a heavy heart as Allura plasters on her best reassuring smile.

“How about we see if Kolivan can spare Keith for a few quintants? He knows you best, does he not?” she recommends, her bright eyes wide and hopeful. “Maybe he can help us understand what we need to do in order to help you.”

“Sounds good,” Shiro murmurs, seemingly drained of any energy he had left after such a raw display of emotion. It’s not something most of them have seen before. He glances around the group, before his gaze drops to his crossed ankles. “Thank you.”

“You have no need to thank us. You are a member of Voltron… a member of our _family_. We will do all we can to get to the bottom of this, I promise.”

And they will, of course.

But Lance? Lance just hopes it isn’t too late.

**Author's Note:**

> due to aforementioned power outtage, i finished this on my phone, and i’m posting it from my phone because i just want to get it out as soon as possible. but because of that, please pardon any glaring mistakes until i can get my laptop back online. as for season five, lance’s bayard??? sam??? me actually ending up liking lotor?? keith & krolia????? excuse me, i need season six. please.


End file.
